Even if it’s artificial happiness – it still IS happiness!
Thank you all for your encouraging mails and comments during the last couple of weeks. Even though I didn’t blog very much you all let me know that you’d be waiting for my return to Blogland and not desert me. Thank you so much! I can’t express how much this means to me. I love you, guys!
I’ve been taking what I call “happy pills” (sertraline) since before X-Mas. It took a couple of weeks for them to start working but I feel much better now. I’m still exhausted and can’t motivate myself to do much more than surfing the internet. But I’m still able to work and nobody at the office suspects anything is wrong with me. I’m very glad about this. I want to appear as “normal” as possible because my field of work is not tolerant concerning depression. Most people think that depression is only an excuse for lazyness and staying at home for weeks. They tell you to “kick yourself in the butt” and think they offered a great solution to your problem. I’ve always had trouble explaining depression to somebody who has never experienced something similar. Even Mr. K. doesn’t understand what’s wrong with me. I keep telling him that there’s no better actors than depressive people. We usually appear to be happy, we’re funny, people even like to be around us and most pile all their problems on our heads. Because we always try to understand and make everyboday else happy. But as soon as we are alone it gets really bad.
But I didn’t really want to whine here – because I’m really getting better. I will even continue with therapy soon. But before that I’ll spend a week in Florida which is a dream come true for me. I’m looking forward to eating conch (speak “konk”) and lots of garlic bread, to visit all those large bookstores they have in the US, to shop for yarn and crochet hooks. I’m still dreaming of moving to the US. I regret not having returned to Georgia for college years ago. I often wonder if I’ll ever find the courage – or if I should find the courage – to quit my job here and start all over in the US. I would have loved to be a highschool teacher (English Lit, World History, German).
I’ll be leaving here on Saturday. Our flight is on Sunday morning. We’ll arrive in Ft. Lauderdale on Sunday afternoon, I think. I’ll be back on the 20th. I’ll take my tablet-pc with me. Maybe they have wlan at the hotel. I’ll try to post then.
See, now I’ve written a real post! Doesn’t that prove I’m much better?