Fighting Myself

Every year in November I start falling down a hole. Not the well-known rabbit-hole, unfortunately. The “dark period” usually lasts from November to February. This year, November wasn’t that bad but I think it hit me now. Mr. K. might have seen it coming but personally I only found out the other day. So, I’m down here again. I don’t like it very much, it’s pretty cold, dark in an uncomfortable way and I’m having a migraine attack. I wasn’t capable of doing much these past days. I find it very hard to blog because I can’t concentrate for long. Going to work has been a struggle this whole week. But I really don’t want this to start again! I don’t want to admit I might have “caught” it again – not to myself, not to others. I don’t even want to discuss this with Mr. K. I don’t want to see a doctor and most of all I don’t want to go see a shrink EVER AGAIN. That’s my dilemma.

What should I do? Talk to somebody or not? Can I manage to drag myself out of that hole on my own? I’d like to believe I can.

I feel panicky right now. I know it will pass but it feels awful. I had so many plans for today but I don’t feel up to them. Somehow starting the dishwasher feels like today’s biggest achievement.

I told my Mom that I feared being depressive once again a while ago. She advised me to do fun and cozy things, to bake a cake, talk to friends. And so I did. It helped for a while. I wonder if I can manage if I keep doing things like this. I thought I might give myself assignments and see if I can do them. I want to start today (having the dishwasher do its thing doesn’t count).

Today’s “Get Out Of That Hole!”-Assignment is:

Create a DIY folder with lots of gothic patterns, instructions and inspiration. It has to be a “real” folder, with real paper and real pages to turn.

Want to join me and exchange ideas, links and stuff like that?

For me, fighting depression will be a part of project “BatFit 2012”, too. At first, I only wanted to take part in this to find motivation to change my eating habits and start working out again. Today, I realized there’s so much more I need to take better care of.


  1. Aw honey! I can’t join you at the moment because I’m grading a stack of papers, but I can give you a cyber hug! During the winter months I usually suffer from lack of sunlight. My go-to thing for the blues: aromatherapy. What you’re suffering from isn’t the blues, but maybe it can help you maintain balance. I find orange oil to be the best scent when I start going down the “hole.” I use a burner specifically for aromatherapy: it’s a cup suspended above an area where you would put a tealight. I fill the cup with water and add approximately 20 drops of orange oil; light the tealight and let the aroma fell the air.

    Also, fresh flowers in the winter is such a treat. I like to force bulbs to bloom in January and February. It really lifts my mood to see green things growing.

    1. I love that idea! I have an incense burner like the one you describe. Those are very popular in my family. I have only used scented candles this year but I’ll see if I can find my oils. I’m pretty sure I have orange, too.

  2. I wish i could give you a big hug. I think the assignment plan is a great idea. I wish i could help you more. Pleas surround yourself with family and friends who love you. Listen to Mr. K if he says you need to go to the DR. It can be hard to admit to ourselves that we need help.

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers dear friend.

    Hugs and Blessings, V.

    1. Your comment has been like a hug, too, V.!🙂 Thank you for your kind words. I really might go see the Doc, I’m just not sure yet. (Doctors scare me)

  3. I know personally I can’t get out of that hole on my own. I need all the help I can get – medication and therapy. If you can get out on your own, that is fantastic and I’m so proud of you. But if you can’t – don’t feel like it’s defeated you. If you need to talk to always feel free to email me. Hugs

    1. Sometimes I am too proud to admit I might need help, you know.
      I’m really glad to read that you know how I feel and what I’m talking about. To be understood helps a lot.

  4. I think that a good thing to do is to see a close friend and talk about it. But don’t dwell about it too much. I’ve been going through a hard time for a while and almost haven’t been able to go to work. But seeing a friend and talk helped a lot. Yesterday I had my father for a visit and we talk (easier when mother is not with him) that was very easing. It is easy to say I know because sad people tend to avoid other people when depressed. Hope you can find some joy in the christmas time. Warm Hugs

    1. Again, you remind me of myself: Easier to talk with my Dad when my Mom’s not around.😉

      Thank you very much for your kind words. I’ll keep them in mind and talk to a friend.

  5. Just remember that you are loved. Sometimes we need others to help us out of the hole, and that is ok. People want to help if you let them. And it is ok if all you do today is breathe. Some days are like that. Hang in there!

  6. Giving yourself assignments is a great idea! That way, you will have a goal every day that is something you enjoy. What a positive thing! Don’t be proud or ashamed though, if you do need to see a doctor about it. I’ve seen my doctor for anxiety (something that only plagues me occasionally when times are extremely stressful, but is VERY difficult to just “talk yourself out of”!!). Also do try Le Professeur’s aromatherapy suggestion. Lavender and Ylang-Ylang do *wonders* for calming me and making me feel relaxed and happy. All of the suggestions in the comments are wonderful, and of course medication alone is never a true solution, but it can help give you a little boost when you need it!

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